This weekend Pankgie, Daly, K.Lo and I decided to go to Kansas City. Well, Pangie was already going with her friend to see Rascall Flats, and in an awesome drunken decision Friday night, Daly, K.Lo and I were like, "Yeah, let's go!" They told me I should bring DTSI also because "the more, the merrier." We got a really great Priceline deal on a hotel ($78 total...only $13 a person for a really nice hotel) and then we went.
Around 11:30 or so, the six of us separated. The three girls stayed in the Power & Light District while us three guys went to one of the gay bars. Some of DTSI's friends showed up, so he was hanging out with his best fried while Daly and I trolled for a guy for him, and maybe made fun of some people to each other. Because it's how we do. Daly started talking to a guy, so I went upstairs to find DTSI and his friend, but couldn't. I texted him, but didn't get an answer. I walked around for about half an hour before I found him and his friend out on the dance floor, dancing, both of them looking totally wasted. Not really a huge ordeal, except the dancing was really...I don't know how to describe it. There was a lot of touching or whatever, and at one point I thought I saw them kiss. I'm about 99% positive, but I was watching through a throng of people on the dance floor.
Anyway, I got really upset and texted Daly about it. Went downstairs and saw Daly talking to a guy, so I decided not to bother him. Basically, I just walked around the club for about an hour. I saw DTSI and his friend go off the dance floor, presumably to get a drink, and then I couldn't find them anymore. Finally, the lights upstairs started to come up, so I went downstairs. Daly was still talking to the guy, so I just stood around, watching the videos that were playing on the monitors ("Womanizer" and "Single Ladies"). I glanced around and saw DTSI and his friend standing at the bar, but didn't go over to them, partly because I was relaly upset and partly because I wanted to see if DTSI was going to try and look for me.
The lights came on for downstairs, and Daly came up to me. I told him I needed to talk to DTSI before we left. I went over to DTSI and pointedly said to his friend, "Don't you have to go to the bathroom?" (in retrospect, if I had thought of "Don't you have an elsewhere to be?" I would have said that). DTSI was wasted. So drunk. Probably not the time to have that particular conversation, but I don't always think things through (PS: I was not drunk. I'd stopped drinking a good four hours earlier). We started talking and blah blah blah. I told him to go home with his friends and I'd pick him up on the way out of town in the morning. He started to say he didn't want to go sleep with his friends, he wanted to sleep with me. I told him that I had some things to deal with (K.Lo had texted me to tell me there was a bit of an accident and Pangie had hit her head and they were getting it checked out...Pangie's fine, by the way) and that I would just pick him up in the morning. There was a lot of back and forth and I think at one point I may have slapped him (mostly because he called himself the worst boyfriend ever, and it felt like a guilt trip...I dunno). Anyway, he'd left his jacket in the bar, so I gave him mine and told him that I was leaving with Daly and he needed to go home with his friends.
Daly and I got a cab and once we started driving, I started to tear up. Daly, in an unprecedented show of awesomeness, just reached over and let me cry on him. It was seriously awesome of him. About halfway back to the hotel, DTSI started to call me, but I didn't feel like talking to him, so I kept ignoring his calls. We got back to the hotel and the girls still weren't back, so Daly and I drove around for a bit, trying to find a restaurant that was open at 3:30 in the morning. No luck, so we went back to the hotel. The entire time, DTSI was calling me, and left me three voicemails, saying "where are you, please come get me" and crying a lot. DTSI continued to call me while I got ready for bed, and then stopped. I texted him and told him I was going to bed and that I'd call him in the morning. He texted back that he was stranded and lost. Somehow, his friends left him at the bar, and he just started to walk and had no idea where he was.
I called him and he just kept telling me he was lost and didn't know where he was and was alone and walking and crying and it was going nowhere. I was trying to get him to calm down over the phone, but he wasn't listening. I kept telling him to go to an intersection and tell me what streets he was on, but he wasn't listening to me. He just kept saying that he was lost and didn't want to be walking anymore and was alone and just kept crying. It was awful. It went on for about 45 minutes and I couldn't get anything out of him, so I called his Other best friend, who lives in St. Louis. Thank God she answered the phone. I explained the situation to her and asked her to call him and calm him down and see if she could figure out where he was. She called me back after awhile and told me that she got him to use the locator thing on his iPhone that would tell him where he was, and got him to sit in a bus stop and stay there. I told Daly that I was going to go get DTSI and then drive back to Como (about a two hour drive...at this point, it was about 4:30 a.m.). I asked Daly not to tell the girls what happened and he said he'd tell the girls DTSI got sick and we decided to go back to Como. PS: Daly is pissed at DTSI.
I finally found DTSI and he was basically tore up. He'd fallen down a couple of times and his hands were all scraped up, he had a huge, bloody scrape on his cheek, had torn his jeans and had huge scrapes on his knee...I don't even know. ON our way back to Como, I stopped at a gas station, bought some bandaids and Neosporin and administered first aid. I got DTSI to his apartment, then drove to mine. I fell asleep at 7:45 this morning, and woke up five hours later, unable to sleep. All I dreamed about was the two of us talking about what he did at the bar.
DTSI texted and called a couple of times this afternoon, and then just showed up at my apartment. He couldn't remember anything that happened last night at the gay bar. He said that he and his friend ordered a drink, and then he doesn't remember anything until he was walking around by himself. When he said that, I started to wonder if somehow he'd gotten Roofie'd at the bar. I told him what happened and he apologized, and then we just sat awkwardly on my bed until I told him I didn't know what he wanted me to do or say. He got up and said the he would go and leave me alone. Since then, he's texted me a couple of times. Once to apologize again and ask not to end everything, once to tell me that his friend remembered last night and said they didn't make out, and then when I told him I didn't want to talk or think about it right now, one to say that he was sorry, was the worst boyfriend ever, would return a couple of shirts I lent him and then would never bother me anymore.
On top of all that, the girls are upset that I left and came back to Como last night, which I completely understand. It wasn't the best decision ever, driving 2 hours home at 5 in the morning when I'd been up since 10:30 the previous morning. I'd weighed the alternatives and I honestly felt like that was a better decision than bringing DTSI back to the hotel where a) Daly hated him and would barely be civil, b) I would have to explain to the girls what happened, why DTSI was tore up and how he got that way and then they'd hate him, and he'd be embarrassed when he was already hurt, upset and embarrassed and c) I just wanted to take him home and not deal with it.
At the moment, I don't know what to do. I need to make amends to my friends. I've spoken with K.Lo a bit and she said she is concerned with my decision and that she thought it was dangerous, but is happy I got home okay and we'll talk about it later. I've not spoken with Pangie yet. I sent her a text this morning asking how her head was, but she's not responded. I assume she's upset with me. Daly and I talked it out last night and I think he's fine with my decision, but I still want to talk to him.
But I don't know what to do about DTSI. I don't know if I should believe his friend that they didn't make out. I could have been mistaken. It was dark on the dance floor, and there were a lot of people. I could have seen it wrong. But I don't know his friend or how trustworthy he is.
Ultimately, it should come down to how I feel. I always ignore my own feelings. But right now, I don't know if I can trust my own feelings. I hurt a lot. My heart is really heavy. I want to be able to just let it go, but I don't know if I can. Even if I did let it go, a dynamic would change. I couldn't bring him around my friends, because they're not going to like him. Daly certainly doesn't. I need to be with someone who can get along with my friends. And I feel like I would always be thinking back to that moment in the bar, when I thought I saw them kiss. I feel like I would hold it against DTSI and it would change our relationship.
There are so many things I wish I could do differently: I wish I hadn't invited DTSI to KC with us; I wish I'd stayed with DTSI and his friend while they were upstairs; I wish I'd stayed with Daly downstairs and never saw DTSI dancing upstairs; I wish I'd taken DTSI back to the hotel with me and we could have just dealt with it today; I wish I'd answered the first call from DTSI to find out he'd been stranded; I wish I'd gotten DTSI and went back to the hotel instead of driving home.
I don't know what to do. And I don't have an appropriate icon with which to post.
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